We used to call it an answering machine, but this is a high-tech world and we're in a high-tech business, so we don't call it that any more. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible. I have taken over the functions of this inferior being. If you would like to leave input for his file, do so at the tone. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non". This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. (Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. (In Joe Friday voice:) This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. (Interrupting:) Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone... Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. (Ask them to leave a message.) [Lots of phone pick-up noise] Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. [Star Trek theme in the background] [Voice 1] Room 17, the final frontier.
Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after and we tell each other everything. You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... Bullwinkle Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. We're VERY close Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me. 01/15/05 - terry from bat cave: how are you 01/14/05 - brittany from humble: Hey its _____. Who are u again....arent you the one that...(mad voice) NEVERMIND JUST LEAVE A DAMN MESSAGE (mummbling ) Beep 01/13/05 - nadine v,21 from melbourne-australia: there's a priest staying over,leave a message as i don't want him to hear me swear to yoi infront of him! 01/04/05 - ERIN from CANADA: Hi, you've reached the sucide hotline, please hold on the line and I'll get some one for you! 12/28/04 - ME from This world: you have reached______ leave your name, number, address, S. #, your credit card number, weight, eye color, height, Sex, date of Birth, and I will get back to you if you answer every one of those questions 12/26/04 - Xantax from Jupiter: Nate ATKINS YOU STUPID FUCK THAT SUCKED 12/24/04 - Sheila & Sarah from here or there: Speak worm! ~ 12/22/04 - k-dot from california: this is you know who, i'm not you know where, but if you leave your you know what, i'll get back to you who knows when 12/19/04 - Brittany from VA: Hey this is _____, I cant come to the phone now cause i am at Wal MArt riding the pink pony so leave me a message and i will call u back when i run out of quarters 12/17/04 - jolly green giant from my house: dude, sorry *busy* leave one and i'll get back to you if i feel like it 12/17/04 - samantha from houston: you've got me, now you know what to do. You're mission, should you choose to accept it, it to leave your name, number, and a brief message after the beep. how are u ,, i want u to leave a message after the beep and ___ will get back to u at anytime of the day , ok , ok CHoa 12/07/04 - (in a sweedin voice) from Sweedin: Hello, my name is _____, ya! I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. 12/01/04 - rahul from YO MOMMA: WHO DA FUKK IS THIS? leave me a message 11/15/04 - Samber from Hell, Mexico: Hey, this is the devil speaking.. 11/13/04 - Ashley from Wa, USA: Hi, you've reached___, the greatest psychic in the world. : im probley here right now but im too busy doin bong hits, eating snacks, and playing video games to answer the phone 11/09/04 - Cassie Kurtz from Traverse City, MI: Hey guys. Were not here at the moment, but you know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it...
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If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI. Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs. (Break a few small twigs; big scream.) Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as it is humanly possible. (Drawling granny voice:) Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. (Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. (To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" with appropriate music:) I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell, and if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP (To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana:) Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, No one's home, Leave a message, At the tone. (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message.
All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. You know what I hate about answering machine messages? I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.
After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. (In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:) Hi... [Voice 2] These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. so, lea a messeg and we deliver straigt to you pants.
Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Southwestern Front Headquarters is pleased to learn that your unit has re-established communications. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you I'm sorry, I've been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if its a emergency or your dieing or something, please hold on till the record is broken. If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number... B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother's maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. (Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Its two-semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. 01/20/05 - wynand from south africa: mmmm just testing 01/19/05 - BRITT N CASS from THE INTERNET: GOD MAD MUD GOD MADE DIRT GOD MADE BOYS SO I KIN FLIRT!!!
He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. Please begin your message with your Master Card or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. Please leave your credit card number at the tone... Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. 01/31/05 - budda from too stoned, AZ: hey, like leave a message, or something, or don't , i don't care. No one is avaliable to take your call, so leave a message, don't make it long, and we'll call you back when you buy a thong! This is an asnwering machine message so leave your message after the tone!!! (pause) i'm not here right now so leave a message and i'll call you back! ) 12/07/04 - miki from : hi, uh, well, um, (stammers) I-i'm ______, and ,er, this is the answering m-machine your t-talking t-to so um, ya? 11/17/04 - the zanie gurl from Alaska: Hello, I am not able to come to the phone right now...well, actually, I'm at the phone....recording this message.you're hearing it later..I can't be there..I am here now..gosh, this is so confusing...