Usually at the beginning of such an arrangement, when the triangle is young so to speak, the ‘other man’ usually tells himself he likes this arrangement because he doesn’t have to make a commitment.She can go back to her husband when we’re done making love, right? The problem comes in when over time an attachment forms between the married woman and her ‘other man.’ Now she is growing used to the arrangement and has convinced herself that the triangle makes her disappointing marriage tolerable.If the ‘other man’ gets attached he will inevitably at some point start needing more from the married woman. My heart goes out to him more than any one else in this arrangement because he is usually the one who gets disturbed first and has more to lose.He may start thinking about asking her to leave her husband. He could be thrown out of the triangle and the married couple could end up fixing their relationship, this could happen.
All three people in this triangular arrangement have their issues. I’ve tried telling myself that everything is fine and it’s all going to work out somehow. I’ve taken on the mission to bring back the perfect relationship so that I didn’t have to leave. I’ve been brave and forgiving and promised that I would always be there. I’ve practiced the conversation in my head over and over of exactly how I would say each word “I can’t be with you anymore. I’m leaving you.” Only to feel the terror pull back the words before they make it through my lips. The target of desire in the relationship is the woman. Her husband is not leaving and she is not letting him go (otherwise she wouldn’t need a triangle to cope). It doesn’t matter how negative wife and husband feel about each other, they are together.It doesn’t matter how passionate the sex with the ‘other man’ in her life is, she is not leaving her husband.
Something always goes wrong, or at least it should, because triangles usually end up hurting people more than anything else.