A dating couple likely will not make sufficient promises or decisions or resolves within the structure of their relationship to fully address a person’s sexual past. Don’t try to resolve the conversation about sexual past in the dating relationship, but have it to the extent that it’s appropriate.If this topic has been especially painful or difficult for you, it might be helpful to commit to refrain from speaking about it except with an older couple or in premarital counseling.The conversation should not mainly be about the issue of history, but of maturity.Yes, the person with the past, if their sexual activity is recent, needs time to heal before they enter into another romantic relationship.What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.
The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.
Is this a man or woman manifestly, not flawlessly, marked by the grace of God, a grace that forgives and makes new?
Am I willing to entrust and commit myself — my heart, my time, my gifts — to this particular work-in-process child of God?
Obsession, because you want to let the past be the past, but only after your own morbidly detailed investigation — and because you stubbornly refuse to be rejected and overlooked for the purity which you’ve guarded so diligently.
The reflex reaction of the insecure is to quantify oneself, especially physically: to rush to numbers for security, to resort to inches to feel worthy, to run to the scale to feel loveable.
Search your heart and root out self-righteousness so that you’re not blind to see that God may be giving you marry your partner who has a sexual history, you will not be the best person in their life in every area of life. It is way too easy to become obsessed with a partner’s sexual history.